Finally I've vomited out everything that is in my heart today... My anger aroused... I taught 8 students today and I really forced myself to stand when teaching.. I can't stand standing for long time especially after 1 hour, I'll get very tired. Some of my students are very stubborn, likes to disturb me and doesn't listen to my instruction. I feel tired of life... Life is so boring... I feel bored about life...Everyday going through the same life: when I wake up from sleep, I've to rush to work and when I come back, I'll be tired, I'll do something at night and go to sleep.again.. Working life is definitely not easy. and Today, I scolded my students, "If you think you are so smart, then you don't need to attend my class. You all just play games, listening to songs, but you all have not done what I want you to do... I ask you to memorize the positions of a till z in the keyboard help on.. and, the latest time for you to enter the class is 15 minutes and after 15 minutes, I'll not tick your name... I know you all are older than me, but please respect me... Please cooperate... How do you feel if you are a teacher and your students do not want to listen to you? Will you feel angry? Surely you will, right? So please listen to my instruction." Today, is the worst time I've ever had. I used my fullest energy to shout when I taught them.. I've to remind myself to be strong. I've to be strict otherwise students won't learn anything. I've not been resting since this morning. and I scolded my students again," I only teach you until the middle of March. after that, I don't know who's going to replace me. So please bear with me. Please don't pretend to ask me questions if you have already known the thing." I've headache.. One of my students only come for half and hour after that he disappear... He does that without my permission. How am I going to take attendants??? "students, please do not give me headache... I just need your cooperation very much... I'm not going to teach you for long... and I'm sorry if I hurt you but it's for your own good. I can't shout. Once I shout, I'll have sorethroat..."" and not only that... This morning someone from Scotland came to the center. He's a photographer. He asked me to perform and I was nervous therefore played with lots of mistakes. My boss just told me this morning that there will be a function on this Thursday and I'll need to perform some songs. So I've to prepare in a rush. O m g... How can this be??? so hard to decide which songs I should play... I'll definitely play "San Hai Tan, and Kongsi Kongsi" which is a C n y song. However, I'm not sure whether I want to play grade 5 or grade 8 song for another choice. Grade 5 piece is easier and shorter than the grade 8 one. how??? have one more day to prepare... I've not practised for quite sometime due to my recorder being spoilt by my teacher b4. how??? stress stress stress depressed depressed depressed.... How to do last-minute practice and decision? I just practised after I came back from work till 9 pm. However, I played with some mistakes.. I'm afraid the songs I'm going to play is too simple and ppl may recognize the mistakes I'll make. whereas the grade 8 piece is too long and I don't think ppl will love to listen:instead they will feel bored... I'm so restless and emotional.. really feel tired. I aim for perfection.. What if I perform on Thursday with a single mistake? How how how??? The newspaper reporter will come on that day too. It's on the 2nd Feb, Thursday at 9 pm... should I play simple or difficult pieces?? That's why I always worry as I aim for perfection. I know the life of a teacher now.. teachers always have to face naughty students and shout when teaching. One more thing: I've to organize a computer course in March during the school holidays. I'm making the proposal now. I'm doing everything alone at the same time.. The proposal needs to be handed by this Friday. This Friday I'll be busy as I'll go out the whole day... so I've to send the proposal by this Thursday... o m g... How come everything come at my hand at the same time??? So stress stress stress and crazy.. I think I'll not be able to sleep this 2 nights. Should I sleep at 12 a. m?? Do I really need to force myself? The Singaporean work till 6 pm. I told my colleagues when they after 5 pm, they can't work. and, I feel angry and can't concentrate when ppl ask me questions when I play piano.. ppl? are you taking advantage of me??? Please understand my feeling b4 you do something la... Don't let me ignore you and not teaching you when I really lose patience... I really lose my patience today. I really hate one student. He has behaved rudely to me.. I think if he does that again, I'll chase him out of my class.. again, all these are challenges to me.. Maybe, when I really work next time, I'll have to face them.. today, when I scold my students, I scolded at the same time shed my tears. I feel like crying out. Colleagues also the same.. I dislike them as they always do something not nice when the boss wasn't around and keep saying they are stress.. When I'm stress, I just keep quiet. I just release by writing or praying... If you are stress, I'm also stress... Please understand la.. When I greet or call, you never answer but instead: you touch my private part.. hey sigh. Please do not do to others what you don't want them to do to you... and to students and colleagues, I know you are of other races but please respect me as everyone needs to be respected...I have to end here.. I'm sorry I write this with anger.. I just can't control myself today.
Readers,I'm once again so sorry if I write about sensitive issue today that hurts you.. I just want to express my anger on my blog again since I've no one to talk to now. Sorry ya.. Beg for your forgiveness..
Please pray for me for the better.
Thanks and may God bless us all.
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