funny dictionary

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other! join MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master join DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage join LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either join CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present join COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece join TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power! join DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage join CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on join ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before join CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read join SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight! join OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life join YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth join ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do join COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together join EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes join ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions join PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead join DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip join OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river join OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" join PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY join MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH! join FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature join join BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early join POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later join join