I Must Get Out

Being a constant worrier, it's never easy to quit worrying. A lot of time, I still worry a lot as we human beings need to make our own decisions. But the Bible tell us not to worry. Matthew 11 verse 28-29 says"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
This verse of Scripture tell us that when we are willing to leave our burden to our Almighty God, He's willing to help us. Jesus is the only true way and life. He gives us true rest. When we are tired, we should go to Him. Jeremiah 33 verse 3 also tell us that if we call upon the Lord, He will show great and mighty things which we do not know. I'm still learning to depend on the Lord. Everyday, I worry how to make the best decision in life. Sometimes, there are many choices until I'm confused which choice is the best. For example, I'm worried whether I should stay in Kuching while waiting for STPM result to work as a volunteer in Blind Centre or go to KL for pre U course or go to Penang to learn ICT complete course for 6 months. I've to pray that God will give me wisdom to make the best decision. Since young, I started to see things on the negative side. I'm very pessimistic. I'm over sensitive. Most of the time, when people says something, I will keep on thinking what they say. I worry how people treat me. I worry about how people talk to me. I also worry about what people think about me until I'm afraid to do many things in life. But I must not let all my worries and sensitivity control me. I must get out. I must change my attitude towards things and people. I must fight for peace, fight for happiness, fight for joy in the Lord, fight to be a new Ruth, fight for strength, fight for positive thinking, fight for confidence. I must learn to be optimistic. I must be strong to face challenges. I've gone through lots of difficult times throughout my life since primary school. When I was in primary 1-6, I was always bullied by my friends and teachers. They also beat me badly until I cried. Sometimes, people say something to offend me. When I was in secondary school, I'd to face my teachers who were impatient and always shout and talked loud when teaching. To me, when a person is talking loud, it's rude. But all these challenges I'm going to face them one day especially when I step out to the society for a new life:working. My old method of worrying is useless. I'm wasting my life worrying which doesn't help me at all. Sometimes, I'm thinking whether what I say hurts others. I thought it's good to be sensitive to people's needs and feelings but it's not good to be too sensitive to what people say. Maybe sometimes people offend me as they want me to improve. Sometimes, I musn't look at the negative side of things. We are all imperfect. I must stay strong and tell myself that I must be positive. It's good to be positive in life. I hope to be the first blind people to share my testimony to the whole world. I've seen many people who had gone through hard times sharing their life and testimony. They are successful in the end. They are able to get out of their fear. I must learn to overcome my fear and be confident in myself. I must believe in myself. There's no point there many people advising me but I'm still the same:can't change myself. I've sought help from doctor, psychiatrist, pastors, friends and teachers. No matter how they advised me, I'm still the same. I always think I'm a failure. At last, someone told me that I'm the best person to solve my problems. Others can only advise me but to change myself is I myself. When I sat down to think, it's true what the person had said. Others have no power to control me:my thinking and my worries. I'm given a brain to think. Sometimes, I can solve the problems myself when it's related to small matter. I must know my identity. My identity is very important so I'll not bother whatever negative remarks people had said to me. When people force me not to sleep, God says I need to rest. I must listen and obey God's Word. I'm God's daughter and I'm myself. I can't be someone else. Most of the time, I need to be thankful for what God has given to me. I musn't grumble of what I don't have. I musn't grumble of my blindness as there are people who are worst than me. In all circumstances, learn to be thankful. The Bible says we must be thankful even the hardest time. It's not an easy test but if I'm willing to learn, God is willing to open a door for me. God is great. There are many things I need to learn in life. I know God is by my side. He will give me plan, a plan to prosper me and not harm me. I hope I can be a new person. I hope I can inspire others. I must learn to handle stress. When I went through my STPM exam, I tried to release stress by playing piano and singing praise and worship songs. I felt better and was stress free after that. I musn't look down on myself and be inferior of myself. I must show to people that I can. I can do it!! I can get out of my worry, pessimistic and sensitivity towards others' words. I hope to be like Nick Vujicic, a person who has no arms and legs. I hope one day I can share my testimony in the church.